By Marci Martin

The past few years have taught us how important it is to return to the basics. And now that the holidays are upon us, continuing that fundamental outlook can help us see our families and each other through this season.

The holidays have a way of imposing a balancing act of sorts for families even in the best of times. But now, overwhelmed caregivers may be concerned about the energy and efforts expected of them, especially with COVID-19 worries co-mingling with long-standing family customs. No matter what or how you choose to celebrate, holiday stress does not have to be part of your annual tradition – especially this year!

One of the ways to maximize your holiday joy is to start by simplifying your own expectations. Yes, this can be challenging…particularly when relatives and friends send well-meaning holiday party invitations or presume you will continue past rituals in your home. But in addition to the latest health safety concerns, experts advise care partners to acknowledge the importance of taking care of your own needs first. Decide if or what you are willing to participate in and set clear limits of yourself and others.

If you truly want a quiet holiday to yourself, do not hesitate to communicate that desire to your friends or family. This is your season too, after all, and your caregiving circumstances may have changed since last year due to the progression of the disease on the person you care for. Conversely, if a few short visits would fulfill your wishes, specify clear visitation guidelines with family or friends in line with local safety precautions.

Here are some other ideas to help you simplify your season this year:

Simplify your décor: If this is not your year for an entire home décor blitz, focus on a few basic pieces that have the most meaning to you and your family. If possible, encourage the person you care for to help sort through table décor or ornaments and select those items that bring the most joy. A single decorated table, or shelf can provide a simple, calming reminder of the holidays. Keep in mind any safety hazards around your home and eliminate unnecessary clutter.

Simplify your budget: Finances can get stretched beyond our means or intentions, so a tried and true method to curtail overspending is to simplify your budget – and then stick to it. Many families have used these past few months to develop or expand their creativity, including baking, art, or music. If you decide to gift, a simple way to preserve your resources is to share a recipe card showcasing a new dessert or entrée you dished up this past year. Do you prefer to bake? When possible, engage the person with memory loss in the selection of holiday treats to prepare, or the final packaging process.

For any budding artists, consider crafting simple homemade greeting cards to exchange, and wherever possible, include your family member with memory loss in the activity. Collect your desired art paper, colorful writing supplies, and turn up your favorite holiday music. Share a story, write a poem, or simply send holiday wishes. It’s important to keep in mind that part of simplifying your expectations is to allow the person you care for to contribute to the best of their ability. Simple, thoughtful, personalized cards go a long way in making people feel appreciated. If appropriate, use it to acknowledge a donation that you made in their names.

We all seem to have an ever-growing photo library on our cell phones. Tap into those files with the person you care for and revisit memorable moments of family and friends over this past year. Viewing photos of loved ones is always a great way to share stories and connect. Then, if you do decide to give photos as gifts, enlist the person you care for to help make the meaningful selections.

Simplify meal planning: When you are celebrating, make the focus on maximizing your time together. One way to accomplish this is by planning an easy meal to enjoy together. This can free you from spending hours in the kitchen and allow for more quality time with family. If you plan to gather away from your home, experts advise that this year families prepare and eat their own meals to maximize food safety. Once again, simplify your expectations! Savor the time together and give everyone at the table the freedom to eat what they choose – even if it is nontraditional.

The AARP recently published some safety tips to help families and caregivers during the holidays:

If weather permits, go outdoors. If not, ventilate the room as best you can.
Embrace aggressive hygiene – have soap at every sink, hand sanitizer in every room.
Lean on technology. A zoom dinner may not be ideal, but it can be fun.
Respect those who choose not to attend or ask you to stay distant and not touch.

While larger in-person events still may be placed on hold, solutions abound for opportunities to enjoy the holidays safely. Take advantage of these free local activities, which are either socially-distanced or virtual:

If you need assistance communicating your holiday desires to family and friends, or would like resource recommendations, support is just a phone call away at 858.492.4400. Our Dementia Care Consultants can give you the tools you need to enjoy a simpler season.