A client living with memory loss sent us this letter he wrote to his friends and family, explaining the brain changes he is now experiencing. He has allowed us to share it, hoping it can help others to better understand this complicated disease.

My dear friends,

I am discovering that my mind and body are thinking about leaving, bit by bit. I am writing to let you know how much I appreciate the life I have had and how much I appreciate you, who have helped make it such a rewarding life. I am not planning to leave right away – I just notice the rapidity with which new changes are taking place and the rate at which those changes are accelerating. The most important change is in my head. I am rapidly losing my lifetime of experiences and memories. If I happen to run into you and I look like I don’t remember you – it is probably because I don’t. I may realize I have known you before – that there is some familiarity about you, but I will not remember your name, or the when, where, or why of how I know you – the content is gone. But I will probably still remember that the relationship was important to me at one time.

If, when you run into me, I look a little lost, it is because I probably am. My mental map is gone. Today I had to go into an office that I have been in hundreds of times, including just a few days ago. Those few days ago (way back then), I knew exactly where the office was and how to get there. Not today. Luckily, I did have the address in my phone, but when I got to the address, I did not recognize anything, including how to get from there to anyplace else without my phone directing me. Worse, I did not remember where, in the large building, the office was – and so I had to call them and ask. Which points to another part of the problem – the embarrassment associated with acknowledging my condition. And it underscores the acceleration I am experiencing with the problem. Suddenly my world has become foreign to me. And not just that office or my street but everywhere. I still remember my home neighborhood, but as I walk about it now, it is all different – not predictable or the same.

And this is directly connected to the core of the problem of memory-loss/mind-loss. I am becoming a liability to those around me. Also today, I went to get a new battery installed in my electronic car key. When they handed it back to me, I asked where the missing piece of it was. After several minutes of a frustrating search and the associated inconveniencing of several employees, one of them finally pointed to the lanyard around my neck. Sure enough, it was tied there all the time – something I did know 15 or 20 minutes earlier but which I had forgotten in that short space of time. I don’t want to even begin to imagine the problems I will be able to generate for the people closer to me.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I do want to share with you my strategy for trying to manage all this. It is – just keep going. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. And most of all – to remember that whatever may seem upsetting to me – is probably not actually real – it is just my head shrinking and playing tricks on me.

I suppose this may be a goodbye of sorts. But while I can still read and type, I look forward to hearing from you and, if I can, I will try and respond.

A dementia diagnosis doesn’t change you overnight. With proper care and planning, every day can still be a good day. Alzheimer’s San Diego can help you adjust to living with memory loss. Speak with one of our Clinical Care Coaches by calling 858.492.4400 or click here to fill out a contact form.